二十歳

It's officially midnight on November 2nd, so today is my 20th birthday!

If y'all don't read kanji, the title of this post is "Hatachi," which means 20 years old in Japanese.

It's weird to think about being an adult.

But I'm seeing this as a chance to turn over a new leaf.

I'm starting a new chapter in my life, a chapter where I start to take control of my life, where I make my own choices, and live for myself, and not for other people anymore.

I've been stuck in this pattern of making choices in my life for other people, be it family members, friends, or teachers.  Since I'm stepping into adulthood, I want to make sure that from now on, my choices will be for myself.  I won't feel tied down to other people's expectations, since over the past year, I've learned that my expectations for myself are the most important ones.

I want to keep my compassion and caring for other people intact, since that is an important part of being an adult and a human being in general, but I've neglected caring for myself for a long time, and the time has come for that to change.

So I've made a few lists:

Things I'm letting go of

Things I'm stepping into

With this new chapter in my life starting, I wanted to give myself a vision for the coming year and beyond.

Things I'm letting go of:

*Trying to please everyone at the same time
*Taking my life in a different direction to please others
*Feeling like it's my fault when others get angry
*Beating myself up over and over again for minor mistakes
*Shutting myself away from the world instead of asking for help
*Trying to solve everything by myself

Things I'm stepping into:

*Making major life choices according to what feels right to me
*Going after what I really want in life, not letting others' visions get in the way
*Building a new kind of self confidence that doesn't rely on the support of others
*Asking for help when I need it, instead of trying to take on the world by myself
*Loving myself and caring about my needs just as much as I care about others

I've written these lists on sheets of paper, and after all of my classes are finished for the day, I'm going to go outside, rip them to pieces, and let them blow away with the wind, as a promise to fulfill these goals starting today.

I hope that my first year as an adult will be a successful one.  One where I achieve many goals, learn a lot of new things, and love myself and others unconditionally.  I hope to spread positive energy all around me, and to have that energy inspire many new things.

I also hope to take this opportunity as a new adult to revive the childlike creativity in myself.  I not only want to mature as a person this year, but I also want to stay young at heart.  I want to be able to have unlimited imagination, to have a world inside myself where anything is possible, and to have curiosity for everything around me.

I feel that if I approach the world with a childlike curiosity and have an adult like process to apply my new worldly information, that I can do anything I set my mind to.

I know that all of this is a life-long process, but as a new 20 year old, I'm ready to accept the challenge and to enjoy the struggle.

And to the 19 year old me, thank you for making the new discoveries you've made in the last year.  I know it's been a very difficult experience, but now you can rest.  The 20 year old me will take over from here, and I promise to make you proud.

One last picture of the 19 year old Kaya:

Thank you everyone, for all of your continued support up until now.  Your support has helped me through a lot of difficult decisions and situations, and I hope that you will continue to support me this year as well.  I'll do my best to be true to myself so I can have my best life and do my best work! <3

20TH YEAR LET'S GO!